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Mourning the Loss of Respectful Teenagers

Are you able to pinpoint the time when parents began to voice their dismay at the lack of respect
they receive from teenagers? Do you find yourself wishing for teenage scenarios such as:

If so, you may be joining the ranks of parents mourning the loss of respectful teenagers. Once the seeds of disrespect take root in your teenager and they will grow like a weed. Before long, things can feel out of control.

The foundation of our youth’s upbringing has merit here. After all, it is upon this foundation where all your conscientious and dedicated work is built. I invite you to imagine the following scenarios.

Are you able to recall the names of your three most influential teachers? Do you remember them by Ron, Chris, Joe or Mr. Smith, Mrs. Johnson or Mr. Brown? Would you agree that most members of an extended family are prefaced by Aunt, Uncle, Grandma or Grandpa? What about your very own parents…mom and dad vs. Jan and Bruce? These people of authority and family hierarchy are addressed with the formal honorific to show respect.

There are a growing number of children and youth assuming a casual stance and referring to adults on a first name basis. Furthermore, their parents compound this trend by frequently take the liberty of introducing their children to adults by referring to adult by their first name. Our children are not being raised by this etiquette, like most baby boomers were.

In a traditional era and historically speaking, etiquette dictated and minors were raised addressing adults using the correct honorific. Catherine Spencer, renowned Harlequin Romance author, describes the shift as having begun ‘…in the 60s with the invasion of flower power, free love and drugs. Parents were at a loss to know how to deal with something entirely foreign to their own experience. Teenagers recognized this and discovered our biggest secret, namely that no parent has ever had any real or lasting control over what their children do or how they act. The thing was, prior to the 60s, the kids didn’t know this, so they toed the line laid out for them and learned to be respectful whether or not they liked it. Now the 60s rebels are parents and grandparents themselves, and the chickens are coming home to roost.  Respect isn't a right, it's something you earn, and they never learned that.’

So, what answers come to mind when you consider:

According to ‘Dr. Manners’ of The Manners Club™… ‘Children should always address adults formally, especially during introductions. For that matter, so should adults. It is a sign of respect.’  She goes on to say, that when children ‘get older and even as adults themselves, they will need to know that it is always preferable to address adults and superiors formally, especially in the workplace.  If they learn this lesson early in life, it will be second nature for them as they grow up.’

This emphasizes the benefits of teaching proper etiquette. It may seem old fashioned,
but laying down such a foundation will help your child in many ways.

Etiquette will:

If you have the desire to celebrate the respectful teenager, then consider implementing
the following behaviours:

 

Submitted by Helene Iliffe CLC

Certified Parent and Teen Coach

Written June 2010 www.beyondexcuses.com

 

A Teenager Named Diversity

His life unfolded much like any child’s until he hit the teen years. This is when his name was not only unique, but appropriate. Diversity. He was received so differently by the world; loved by his family, under scrutiny as a teen and judged by society.

Diversity is part of our family team. Yes, a team. We are not merely a ‘group’ of people living together. We are connected by many bonds. The ultimate goal: to live out our God given purpose.

Basic training of this team begins with Mom at the helm, managing the daily activities and instilling the values we live by.

We are linked by a common theme learned over the years ~ how to go beyond obstacles to finding solutions. We make a collaborative effort to get along ~ most of the time, utilizing each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We have learned how to help one another and assist each other to realize our true potential. Home is our safe haven where the environment allows us to go beyond our limitations to discover our gifts. There is joy in our team.

Diversity’s presence has added a whole new dimension to our team. He has moved us from being a tolerant team to one of acceptance. Because of our love for our brother, we have stretched to understand his viewpoints by finding a common ground. From here, we can seek shared purposes, rich perspectives and motivations. Diversity has brought a vibrant outlook to our team that was previously absent.

So when your teenager throws a curve ball or embarks on a new journey, your team (your family)
has a choice:

A. You can reject him and stick to the status quo or
B. You can take an interest by learning what his message is and accept this quality as a gift.

 

8 Steps to receiving the gift of diversity offered by your teenager.

 

Prepared by Helene Iliffe CLC
Beyond Excuses Life Coaching Services
www.beyondexcuses.com

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